I havent blogged for a while, and a new year has already passed. Time flies by. They say that Life is short, maybe it is, but really what the hack is longer? Well will try to write more this year, it just feels like everything has been on pause, I havent done much, I havent accomplished much, I havent written much, my creative juice been squeezed out of me, no that isn’t true, I am just lazy.., and darn a year has passed.

Where should I begin, I took a last minute vacation, without much planning, but it turned out alright. Bangkok was a lot of fun, its damn hot but its nice to be in a different place, even though at times I mssed the comfort of home (well usually not all that much). Most of the days I spent in Bangkok I lived at a hotel, which was moderately comfortable, but for 1 day I traveled out to another province and I stayed at my friend’s parent’s home which was, well, a mushroom farm, at a village, and that was an interesting experience, but which I think for 1 night is enough. For one thing, it was hot and humid as hell, and I have a hard time falling sleep, even in the midst of winter, and well the bed was devoid of mattress, it was just a few layers of blanket on hard wood. I had a hard time using the bathroom, which was just a hole inside a room. I couldn’t squat and go at it so I held it till the next day until I could go to a public bathroom in the mall in bangkok (that was the first time for me, its usually the other way around), I tried, I just couldnt do it. There was no shower, which wasn’t suprising, well I used to call any bathroom without sockets primitive, I havent seen this one. There was no internet at home, which, of course I can live with, for one day. So I took out my PSP and played Metal Gear Solid, that was my refuge. My friend called me “Cyber”, I cant live without my electronic gadgets, I cant live without the net, I was constantly seeking places to go online, if I havent been on for 24 hours, just 2 minutes of cyber activity makes me feel at ease. What is the point I am trying to make? Well just that people can be very different. I think society has advanced to a point that well, some people can live a more comfortable life, but some people choose not to. I am sure making a modern bathroom inside a farm isnt that expensive, considering that they own the farm and have a bunch of workers working for them. But I’m sure, some people enjoy the primitive lifestyle. But for me, I always wanted to live in the forest like a hermit, but I needed my internet, I needed my LCD TV, I needed a socket in my bathroom, and at most I need something to sit on, I need air condition.. But some people experienced all that and still like going back to the primitive home, yes, people are very different, like my Dad who refused to turn on the heat in the midst of freezing cold, or the dryer to dry laundry, I never get it, i would ask, then why do u use the rice cooker, you can start a fire and heat it up.

HK is a place I constantly missed, frequently hated, yet loved. I dont know, I grew up there, but I grow to hate it, and then I miss it a lot, and then I get sick of all over again. If i actually lived there, and I probably wont go out all that much, except to eat. There’s just too many people. But for a vacation, I needed to be out everday, and well, I missed having a sanctuary. I ate lunch by myself a few times, which I dont do often in US, well I do, but I do it in the office facing my 2 monitors, I rarely had to eat inside a restaurant, but in HK, if you want to eat lunch and you are alone, u will end up having to share a table with someone else. Good thing I brought my novel with me, which I called it my refuge in this part of the story (before that it was my PSP), and I read it while I waited for my food. I actually hardly concentrated on the words that I was reading, but noticed the things around me. The old woman which seated across me was constantly mumbling to herself, and saying things that I could not comprehend. I thought her insane, but when the waiter came over, she produced concrete understandable sentences to convey her wishes, then she returned to her mumbling. I don’t know if she was talking to herself or taking to the ghost of her late husband, or her imaginary friend. Perhaps the empty seat I took originally seated some other entity, so did I shatter her disillusion? I shuddered at the thought. It felt sad to eat by yourself when you are that age, and have to talk to someone imaginary, I thought, I don’t want to be alone when I am old. To my left, two friends or coworkers chatted incessantly as they eat, and occasionally stared at the strange old woman across me, but they were so normal that they weren’t interesting. To my right, a couple sat facing each other silently eating their food and never exchanged one word. I thought about not wanting to be alone for the rest of my life, but then, I wanted it less to have to face someone that I have nothing to say to, perhaps an imaginary friend, was a better choice.

I felt like all hell broke lose when I came back home. I don’t know, so many things have changed, things I could never imagine happening happened. Well I ended up spending a week and a half leaving work early and going to the hospital. It was a depressing place, and I am glad that I wasn’t someone who worked there, I just couldn’t take it. There was another old woman who shared the room with the person I had to visit. She and her daughter spoke incessantly. Her voice was always loud and annoying. For the first time in my life I wanted to strangle someone. Other people are suffering too and can’t you just keep quiet and leave others alone? I wanted to say to her, shut up and save all the complaining after you die, but I didn’t. Yes, I’m an ass. But I don’t care about her, just the person I visited, and she was suffering to, and she couldn’t sleep because that old hag was constantly babbling and complaining and wailing like a banshee (yes, banshee wail reminds me of something that is good, but no, not in this case).

I fell like I always blunder at work, but I never blunder this big. Things just imploded. I ended up spending 2 days to cover my tracks and recover some data, I even clogged up the email system, its a long story. I’m suprised I am not fired. Actually its probably because I am at least competent enough to save it all. I dont know, I think I will never change, I like finishing things quickly so I can do something else, and sometimes all hell break lose because of that. Actually I am even more surprised I am still working at the same place after 1.5 years, which I have never done before. I wonder if 30 years will just fly by next.., no I cant keep doing this. I need to get out there and change the world. I think I said that last year. I haven’t even changed myself. Just where the hell am I going?

I watched a movie I loved, it surprised me that it was this good, a Taiwanese movie called “Silk”, and I watched it on the laptop inside the hospital room, perhaps thats why it was so freaky. I actually didn’t want to watch it by myself at home when I didn’t finish it on my laptop, which I waited for the next day. Its a movie that can really freak you out at some part, its an exploration of the supernatural, why ghost exists as energy. and why some people’s energy disperse, and why some retain, and how you can trap it, and retain it, and how you can exist forever. And yes, a ghost can kill you, if you happen to make eye contact with it. That was the persisting rule in the movie, and at times it was so freaky, a scene when the detective was chasing the child ghost to the school, witnessed his attempted suicide, return to the main road, while the child waited for the bus, the detective went to the noodle stand to get his food, 2 cops came, and a passerby person who needed to make a quick pee under the tree, and the child ghost came into eye contact with the peeing guy, the detective reacted and pulled his gun (yeah he can shoot and see ghosts with some special solution), but the cops also pulled their guns. That was a lot of tension, you don’t really forget things like this. That I think, was even better that the chasing the car in the past scene in Deja Vu, hay at least this movie don’t have a major plot hole. Silk really explored the paranormal in a scientific way, life and death, love and hate, all in a suspense thriller, or ghost story, whatever you call it. You want to know what that thread of silk means? watch the damn movie. I still don’t believe in ghosts. I used to when I was young. I used to think theres some place you’d go after death. I don’t know, I don’t believe it anymore, I am not religious, and I don’t think I need it, I just need to live my life without regret. Perhaps I have to see it to believe. But yes sometimes I am still afraid of dark, of the things that lurk int he shadows. I don’t know, perhaps if others believe that demons lurk in the shadow, then the belief give them power. The world is an interesting place, and there isn’t an explanation for everything. Hay, as long as I can write, I can make it up as I go. I promised a friend to write a script, I haven’t even started yet, gosh I am so lazy. Theres so much to do….